


Should Have Known Better

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [39]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Apologies, Coming to Terms with the Past, Conversations, Endgame, Friendship, Guilt, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Making Up, Making peace, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Recovery, Slightly Fluff, Talking, civil war aftermath, during endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22835971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: The morning after Steve and Tony's initial truce, Steve gets an earful from Rhodey. The War Machine may not be ready to forgive the soldier, but thankfully Tony is.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [39]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/468745
Comments: 9
Kudos: 109





	Should Have Known Better

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to expand upon the re-development of their relationship during Endgame, so there will probably be even more fics coming up that take place during Endgame. It's probably time to explain my timeline as well, which will become clear with more fics.
> 
> Also I named this after the song "I Should Have Known Better" by Jim Diamond because it's a GREAT song.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Tony sighed. He rested his head back on the pillow.

Rhodey scoffed at his side, a mix of amusement and disbelief. “Do you?” he asked.

“Mhm,” Tony replied. “You’re thinking I’m stupid. Out of my mind. That I’m making a huge mistake.”

“You’re right.”

Tony frowned a little, rubbed his tired eyes. “Well, I’m not.”

“Tony, he— “

“Apologized. At least a thousand times over the last two years, and again in person.”

It was Rhodey’s turn to frown. He shifted a little in the chair next to Tony’s recovery bed, shook his head. “Apologies don’t always fix everything. The shit he did, I don’t even want you in the same _room_ as him! We’re all here because there isn’t another choice. We’ve gotta fix this mess. But that doesn’t mean you should just let him back in like that!”

“You know, it’s really not up to you, buddy. I’ve already decided.”

Rhodey bristled. “You’re an idiot. You deserve so much better than what you’re giving yourself.”

Tony scoffed. “Do I? He wasn’t the only one who fucked up. It was my fault too.”

Rhodey took a deep breath. He leaned forward, placed a hand on Tony’s forearm. “Tones, I did not see you suffer for two years just to dive headfirst back into the source. It’s self harm! You and I both know this can only end badly.”

The brunet only shook his head once more. He understood Rhodey’s concern, he really did. The thought had crossed his own mind, so many times. Was making up and getting back together with Steve the best thing? Or should he simply cut his losses and try to move on? He’d already agreed to trying it again, and Steve seemed incredibly grateful. Tony was glad too, but there was, understandably, some trepidation in approaching the idea.

Rhodey was clearly against it, as Tony knew he would be. How could his best friend think otherwise? He’d seen Tony, on his worst days, before and during the separation. He knew the depths of misery the scientist had endured, sometimes willingly. It was only natural that he would advise against starting all of this again.

But that didn’t change the way Tony felt. It didn’t change the way his heart ached for Steve, even when he knew the potential risks.

“Look, I know what I’m doing. You just have to trust me,” Tony said. He covered Rhodey’s hand with his own.

“I do trust you,” his friend insisted. “But I don’t trust in _this._ I mean, think of what it did to you. Why would you risk that again? Why does he deserve it?”

“I love him,” the brunet replied. “I love him. I never _stopped_. Maybe it’s not for the best and maybe I’ll just get hurt again but I _love him_ , and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

The look in Tony’s eyes drove Rhodey to silence. They expressed the emotional weight of his words, made clear what he couldn’t bring across verbally. Tony really did feel that way, and Rhodey knew it.

He didn’t know how to respond. Part of him knew that no matter what he said, he couldn’t change Tony’s mind anyway. He just didn’t want to see his friend get hurt again. There were too many tears, too many times Tony could barely leave the bed, heartsick and flat out depressed. There were too many bruises, too many scars. There were too many hours spent together, trying to pick up the pieces, trying to glue Tony back together when he was shattered. Rhodey harbored his own private grudge too. If Steve had listened back then, if a fight hadn’t broken out at the airport, he’d still be able to walk without an aid. He wouldn’t have almost died. He wouldn’t have to rely on his friend’s inventions to function. No, he didn’t like any of this. He hadn’t voiced any of his disdain to Steve thus far, and probably wouldn’t. It was an accident, after all, that paralyzed him. Rhodey could keep his anger in check. He had enough practice doing so over the years, thanks to the military. He had learned to push his own emotions aside. They had a job to do, and that took precedence.

But when it came to Tony, he couldn’t help but be protective. They’d known each other almost a lifetime. He still remembered a young Tony, too young to be at MIT but there anyway, with youthful eyes and a still slightly round face. He remembered the way the teenager got himself into trouble with two big guys, tried to talk his way out of the situation before Rhodey stepped in. He remembered the confidence in Tony, the way he grinned, and knew that he’d just met someone that would change his life forever. Rhodey couldn’t imagine the trajectory of his future without Tony. There was a part of him that would always instinctively look after his friend, his _brother_ , and that only wanted the best for him, especially these days.

Tony wasn’t the easiest person to deal with, or to take care of, but that never diminished the instinct. They were adults now, he knew, and Tony had always made his own choices, but Rhodey just wondered how many more bad ones he could take. But wondering wouldn’t help. Tony’s heart always led him, for better or worse, and Rhodey wouldn’t be able to stop it from doing so now.

It took a few moments of those brown, intensely emotional eyes boring into his skull, but Rhodey sighed in defeat. “I know,” he said. “I know you do. Just…be careful.”

“I will,” Tony replied. “It’s not gonna be easy, and I don’t expect it to be. But I want to try.”

Rhodey took a deep breath, brushed a hand over his face. “You’re so difficult. In the middle of this universe-wide mess, you have to add this on top of it.”

“I can multi-task,” Tony insisted. “And don’t be so dramatic. One of these problems is clearly a lot bigger than the other.”

“It’s hard to tell sometimes, around you.”

“Rude.”

Rhodey shrugged. “Just telling the truth. You’re the biggest pain in the ass I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Tony smiled. “I know.”

His best friend smiled back for a moment. Soon enough though, his expression turned serious once more. “Look, if he _ever_ hurts you like that again, I’ll—“

“Beat him upside down and backwards into next week. I know.”

“I’m serious, Tones. I’m not gonna let shit like that happen again.”

“I know. Neither will I.”

“Promise me that. Promise me that if it ever gets anywhere _near_ that again, you’ll break it off.”

Tony hesitated just a little, but under the intense scrutiny of Rhodey’s gaze, he folded. “I promise,” he said.

He could give that promise. If it ever hurt that bad again, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. He really, _really_ hoped it would never hurt that bad again. He wanted this to work. He wanted things to feel like they used to. He wanted to be happy, and more importantly, happy with _Steve_.

Two years was a long time. It was a long time to hate, to despise, and to regret. Sure, looking at the blond made some part of his blood too warm now, in a way that he didn’t feel comfortable with, but Tony was sure that with time, every ounce of disdain left would disappear entirely. He didn’t want to hold on to the pain anymore. He had a different pain to worry about now. He had the weight of failure on his shoulders, and the responsibility of setting a universe right, if he even could. There was no room for anything else negative. Either way, it wasn’t just a split second decision to forgive Steve. Truthfully, he had already forgiven him a week ago, drifting through space, when he thought he would never see the man again. Tony couldn’t die holding on to his hatred. He wanted the comfort of knowing that things were okay between them at the end.

Well, it wasn’t the end, and now he was here. The argument he and Steve had the night before, which seemed sort of ridiculous now, told him that they were both ready to move on. It wouldn’t be perfect. It wouldn’t be easy. The important part was they wanted to _try,_ and some part of Rhodey knew that whatever plan they came up with, whatever attempt they made at setting the world right, Steve and Tony had to be united for it to work. There was no way around it.

Rhodey and Tony looked at each other for a moment, soaking in their agreement. There were more words expressed through only their gazes; the long length of their friendship had made that possible. A quirk of Tony’s brow could mean ‘thank you,’ and a tilt to the left from Rhodey could mean ‘I’ve got your back.’ Tony loved that. He loved his chosen brother more than he could tell, and was endlessly thankful for the support Rhodey gave him. They didn’t always agree, but bygones would always be bygones, and he knew that when the going got tough, Rhodey would be there, _had_ been there. He felt the need to add verbal thanks now.

“You’re the best friend anyone could have. You know that right?” Tony asked.

Rhodey smiled a little. “I try my best,” he replied.

“I’m glad. I don’t deserve it.”

“Of course you do.”

“Mm, I don’t agree. I think you’re a lot better than I deserve.”

Rhodes sighed. “Stop undervaluing yourself. You’re a good man, Tony.”

That was hard to swallow. Tony never felt like a good man, especially now, after the events on Titan. He felt like a massive failure. His current failures only reminded him of those in his past, and all the misery, intentional or unintentional, that he’d inflicted on others throughout the years. He was thinking of the sacrifices made by those in his life, by Rhodey especially, and the burdens he’d placed on his friends and family.

“You know, you can say it a thousand times, but I’ll never believe it. I’ve done nothing but cause problems my whole life,” Tony said.

He glanced at Rhodey’s legs, and the mechanized braces he designed. In a perfect world, he would’ve never had to create them. But the world wasn’t perfect, and neither was Tony, and now his friend couldn’t even stand on his own. He should’ve been over it by now, but whenever he looked at his friend, a surge of guilt rushed through him that made his face hot with shame.

“I’m still causing problems.”

“We’ve been through this before,” Rhodey replied wearily. “Stop beating yourself up over it.”

Tony hummed noncommittally. He would definitely _not_ stop beating himself up over it, ever, and both knew it.

Rhodey rolled his eyes good naturedly, and crossed his arms. He leaned back in his chair, looked over at the door. “But you know, you _can_ beat him up over it,” he said, jerking his head in that direction.

Tony raised a brow and followed his gaze. Through the glass door he could see Steve, standing around the corner but clearly intent on entering the room. Tony wasn’t surprised that he had waited out there while Rhodey came to talk. It was kind of funny though, seeing him out there. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his jaw was tight, like he was afraid of whatever they were talking about in here. Then again, with the depth of Rhodey’s threats, which were historically never empty, maybe he should have been.

Tony exhaled in amusement. “Has he been out there the whole time?”

“Probably.”

That made Tony happy, in a way. It made him nervous in many others. They saw each other briefly at breakfast, but there wasn’t much conversation there, and certainly not about the nature of their relationship. In fact, breakfast might have been the most miserable meal he’d ever eaten. Everyone seemed uncomfortable. He knew their eyes drifted between him and Steve at least a dozen times, and that everyone had questions, or concerns, but refused to voice them. It gave the scientist a headache.

Tony had gone back to the med bay to lie down after eating. That was the official story, at least. He really wanted time alone with Rhodey, to discuss the very matter which they just had. He thought about keeping it secret, initially, but knew that it was better to be honest. The whole team didn’t have to know, but Rhodey did. Tony wasn’t sure if Steve had talked to anyone about it. He was kind of afraid to ask. He would save the question for later.

Rhodey was looking at him expectantly when Tony tore his eyes away from Steve. Tony’s lips twisted into a quirky smile, like he was embarrassed at being caught looking. It made Rhodey sigh dramatically. He’d seen that look before. “I’ll go get him,” he said.

Tony truly smiled now. “Thanks, buddy.”

“Mhm,” Rhodey replied, standing from his seat. He straightened his shirt. “I’ll add it to the favor list.”

“What are we up to—a thousand?”

“At _least._ ”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Tony replied. He watched his friend fondly as Rhodey stepped out into the hall. He could see that Steve straightened as Rhodey approached. The glass door swung closed, so Tony couldn’t hear any conversation between the two, but he saw the way Rhodey tensed, and could guess that he was warning Steve.

 _‘Poor Steve,’_ Tony found himself thinking. He’d been on the other end of a hard talking to from Rhodey before, and it wasn’t fun. Maybe Steve deserved it though. A little. Rhodey would give him the pettiness that Tony was too tired to give.

Some part of him still wanted to be petty. He had two years to think about all the things he would do and say, the ways he would make Steve feel bad for what he’d done. Now though, after everything that had happened, it didn’t seem right to act on it. He was better off just letting it go. Besides, he’d already had one outburst.

“Zip. Nada. No trust. _Liar.”_

He’d said the words two days ago, and although they felt good at the time, he almost regretted them now. He couldn’t have stopped them from coming out if he tried though. There was just too much turmoil, too much _grief_ , for him to handle. It didn’t help that the others were somewhat unsympathetic to his situation.

He was jealous of them, truthfully. They all had each other. They didn’t come out unscathed, of course. Sam, Wanda and Bucky too, from what he understood, were gone, but they could rely on each other, share their grief. Tony had lost his companions from earth. He’d lost _Peter,_ a fifteen year old kid who was way out of his depth, but so brave, and who had sacrificed everything to protect his world. Even thinking the name made tears threaten to well up in Tony’s eyes. He had sent the kid home, damn it. He didn’t want Peter on Titan in the first place. But Peter was stubborn, too good for his own good, and followed anyway. Now Tony was responsible for his fate, and that was something he could never recover from.

If it weren’t for Nebula, Tony wouldn’t have survived at all. She picked him up; she reminded him that he had a reason to fight, to stay alive. She healed his wound the best she could, and they survived together. Thankfully the compound got him fixed up the rest of the way, but it was torture, those two weeks in space. He was forever in her debt, but he still didn’t feel any better. He couldn’t find much joy in being alive at the moment. The compound, though filled now, felt empty in another way. It was an emptiness that stretched across the universe, unnatural and deep. He felt personally responsible for it, and Tony was so sick of feeling bad. _So sick_. He would gratefully take fleeting happiness and the promise of reunion over harboring any more hatred, any more negative emotions. He didn’t think he could suffer any more.

Maybe Steve felt the same way. Whatever had happened between them, even though it was unimaginable for some, and painful enough to kill, didn’t seem to matter anymore, when the world was so out of sorts.

The door opened, and Steve’s eyes met his.

“Hey,” the blond offered.

“Hey,” Tony replied.

Steve’s fingers flexed on the door handle. “Can I come in?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah,” he said, though cleared his throat to hide the nervous waver in his voice.

The blond moved in the room a little, turned around to close the door. He closed it so softly that it barely made a sound.

Tony couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. He got a chance to really look at him now, with fresh eyes, unlike the night before, when his eyes were still clouded by grief and anger. Steve looked kind of rough, to be honest. There were dark circles under his eyes, and the blue in them was softer, more gray, like the color had been sucked out of them. He had that look: that look he wore whenever he felt bad about himself. Tony still recognized it.

Steve took a breath, sat down in the chair that Rhodey had vacated. His eyes brushed over Tony’s form. The brunet still looked sick, which was to be expected. He hadn’t had a proper shave yet, and there was a palpable weight on his shoulders, that made him seem smaller, weaker. He wasn’t surprised. He’d seen the size of Tony’s stomach wound, could hardly believe he’d survived it. He wondered what Tony had really seen up there in space, what he’d been through. Maybe he could ask soon.

Steve’s eyes landed on the hand that rested on top of the blanket. Tony’s fingers twitched a little, and rubbed the blanket between his fingertips, slightly nervous. There was a long pause, where neither of them knew how to start.

“You look like shit,” Tony settled on. Maybe a little humor could break the ice.

Steve huffed in amusement, tilted his head in agreement. “Pot, kettle,” he replied.

“That was always our way,” the scientist said.

It really was, and Steve hadn’t forgotten. They were two sides of the same coin, he’d established long ago. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

Tony shrugged, shifted a little. He was reminded suddenly of the exhaustion in his bones. “I’m not dead, so there’s that, I guess.”

“Yeah,” the soldier said. “I’m glad you’re not.”

Tony looked at him, waited for him to say more.

Steve paused, brows knit, like he was thinking over the right words to say. He sighed. “I just…I wanted to apologize. Again. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for _leaving_ you, and for everything that happened. I’m sorry for what _led up_ to it. It never should’ve come to any of that. It was just…” he struggled on how to finish.

“Out of your hands,” Tony finished for him. “There was a lot more shit going on than what was between you and me. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was going crazy, just overwhelmed. The…video just…drove me over the edge.”

“I don’t blame you for that,” Steve replied. “It was my fault. If I had just bucked up and told you about it sooner, maybe—“

“You were just trying to protect me,” the brunet interrupted. “I get that. I didn’t understand it, for a long time, but… You thought it was for the best.”

“I did. But I was wrong, and I’m so sorry for that.”

Tony brushed a hand over his eyes, tried to fight the tide of emotion rising in his chest. He was really here right now. He was here, with Steve, and they were making progress. That was honestly scarier than everything else that had happened.

“I’m sorry too,” he said. “I…you know, I always held you to a standard which shouldn’t have been possible. It was my fault. I was stupid. You’re just a man. You’re not some perfect being, and that’s _okay._ I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”

“A standard?” Steve asked, quirking a brow. He didn’t quite understand.

Tony sighed. He looked up at the ceiling. It was too embarrassing to admit any of this sitting face to face. “I worshiped you. I always did, even as a kid. You were just so perfect, so strong and capable. When I was little, I always wished you would save me, that you’d come along and sweep me off my feet and everything would be wonderful and perfect. Well you did sweep me off my feet, but instead of thinking like a fucking adult, I still had this deluded fantasy in my mind, that you were somehow above the rest of us, that you weren’t capable of making mistakes. It made everything a thousand times worse when Siberia came around.”

Steve considered that. His gaze softened a little, and he swallowed hard. “I’m sorry I let you down.”

“We’re up to like, six of those between us.”

“I owe you a lot more,” the blond said.

Tony licked his lips. “We both owe each other.”

Steve smiled a little, a sad sort of smile. Tony returned it.

“So what did Rhodey say?” the scientist asked.

The soldier huffed in amusement, glancing over at the door. “Take a guess.”

“Something along the lines of ‘If you ever fuck up like that again, I’ll personally beat your ass back into World War Two?’”

“Something like that,” Steve replied. “I don’t think he’ll forgive me anytime soon.”

“I don’t think so either,” Tony admitted.

“Can you?” Steve’s eyes were pleading, and hopeful, but prepared, Tony found, for rejection. He wasn’t comfortable seeing that look on Steve’s face, even after everything that had happened.

Tony took a second to reply though, just because he found the desperation in Steve endearing. “I can,” he said. “I can.”

“Thank you,” Steve replied. “I won’t let you down again.”

Tony raised a hand to stop him. “Hold your horses, soldier. Let’s just work on getting past apologies and start having normal conversations again.”

Steve could admit that was a better idea. He hoped they could get back to some semblance of normalcy soon, that the awkward, skittish air between them would disappear. It had dissipated already just a little, and he was glad for it.

He was tempted to move closer. He felt lonely in a way, sitting so far from Tony, but it was a respectable distance, and he didn’t want to push his luck any farther. He stood up. “I’ll let you get your rest. You need it,” he said.

Tony bit his lip, thinking it over. “Actually, I…I can sleep later. I want you to stay,” he said, his heart beating a little quicker at admitting it.

Steve stopped in his tracks, slowly sank back down into his chair. “Always,” he said softly.

The tone of his voice made Tony want to shoot himself in the foot. It was far too pleasant in his ears, made his heart beat faster. God his body truly was a traitor, and so was his heart. It was way too easy to let Steve back in again.

 _‘Fuck it,’_ Tony thought. _‘When have I ever made a good decision in my life anyway?’_ If his heart wanted Steve, even after everything, he couldn’t deny it. He’d told Rhodey so himself. Tony was kind of disappointed in himself, but wasn’t the saying that kindness was a virtue? Or forgiveness was? Something like that. He would have to think of an excuse for all of this later.

As he struggled with his resignation, and the feelings for the blond that were _still there,_ damn Steve took it a step further.

“So,” the soldier said, shifting into a comfortable position. He put on his best charming smile, determined to truly break the ice. “How about that airplane food?”

Tony let out his first genuine laugh since arriving back on Earth. 

**Author's Note:**

> Drop a comment if you love Rhodey! Actually drop a comment anyway, and let's talk about the fic or the series in general! I love feedback.


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